meQuilibrium by Jan Bruce

Author:Jan Bruce [Bruce, Jan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8041-3850-5
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2015-02-03T05:00:00+00:00

MELT THE ICEBERG

Often, for icebergs that we form in childhood, the cons far outweigh the pros. For instance, “I should be respected by all people at all times” is just not justified. You can almost hear the stomping of the feet and crossing of the arms of a child. This belief will cause way more pain and frustration than good in your life, so we need to melt that iceberg, or reshape it into one about respect that’s more tenable.

Perhaps “I deserve basic respect, but that does not mean that people should grant every wish I have” might serve you better. In that case, it’s not a ridiculously wild expectation, and you won’t flip out if the mechanic says he can’t fix your car until early next week (that is, as long as he is actually repairing your car in the order in which it arrived and/or the order in which he can get the parts). When you’re genuinely not getting the respect to which you’re entitled, then you can take appropriate action.

The key is to come up with a mantra—an “ice breaker”—that you will say to yourself when you crash into your icebergs so that, with practice, you can eventually melt them. Here are a few good examples:

Iceberg Belief: “I should do everything perfectly.”

Ice Breaker: “Here I go again, thinking I have to get everything exactly right. No one can do that. I’m not Superwoman. I’m not going to hold myself hostage to that ‘museum piece’ of an iceberg from my childhood. As an adult, I know that it’s good to strive for success, but perfection should never be the goal.”

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